I Remember.....

Memorial Days are a bittersweet occasion. Bitter, because as a nation we remember the ones who have served our country and sacrificed themselves for us; and sweet because we celebrate being beneficiaries of those sacrifices. And sweetly we celebrate...with picnics and pools and cookouts and hot dogs, ice cream, parades, excruciating heat and sprinklers, fireworks and being with family.

But ever since The Day, Memorials Days have been much more bitter than sweet, but I will continue to remember.

I remember your laugh, your soccer ball hand stands, your phone calls and you telling me how proud you were of me; I remember our phone call before my wedding and how you told me you would wear a tutu if it would make me happy on that day, I remember how you held Jaxon the first time you met him and I remember countless runs with you where I know you were going super slow so I could keep up. I remember our secret STFR club (slow-thinker-fast-runner) because we were usually the last to get the jokes, but we could run. I remember how when we were kids you would flex your muscles to make them dance and send us into fits of laughter. I remember our VBI trip, where you ate the steaks all the way down to the bone, slept out underneath the stars, played weird Korean games with us, and ate an entire bowl of garlic butter.

And I remember the day. It was a Thursday around 6:30, when Dad called me. "We've got some bad news," he said. My mind raced as I thought of all the bad things it could possibly be. "Eric got killed today."

I still remember the feeling. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to be sick.

After we hung up, I was still stunned in a state of shock. I picked up Jaxon and Penelope and held them close, sat on the floor and rocked them and cried and cried. I think I must have sat there until Ricky came home. I'm not sure how long it was, but when he got there and saw me, he knew something terrible had happened.

I couldn't get the words out. "Eric..." I said, and just shook my head. He knew.

I don't think there's a day that has gone by that I haven't replayed that phone call in my head. It usually comes back to me in the quiet. When I'm going somewhere alone, or the kids are sleeping in the care, or I'm up late at night with a baby, or trying to go to sleep at night.

Life has gone on, but we don't forget you. Summer and I have tons of kids now....you are an uncle 5 times over. You would get a kick out of all of them. Penelope especially. She's a thrill seeker and loves to be scared. She would love that fake bite/growl thing you always did and your duck sound. You two would get along just great.

Speaking of kids, I have to tend to the littlest one right now, so I need to wrap up. You are missed and still very much loved, and always will be.